“There’s a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.”
– Leonard Cohen
(Originally written at 10:50 AM, 11/16/16)
I got to give a short message a few Sundays ago about choosing light in our lives — and today, I am so aware of this choice I have. You see, today feels really long and it is not yet noon.
It started last night. I had been feeling on edge for various reasons yesterday that led me to all out wrestling with God last night. I do that sometimes – I know he can take. Man, am I so glad He can take it.
I woke up at 4AM to a brigade of fire engines on my street. I opened my front door to see my neighbor’s home directly across from my front door, blazing. Thankfully, everyone in that home is ok – even the cat and the dog. But it was jarring, this scene, in the early morning hours. And this morning, in the sunlight, you could not ignore the toll it took on the house and the time it will take to repair the damage.
As I walked into my office, my phone started lighting up with prayers for my cousin’s baby girl who is having intensive heart surgery today. Her heart needs some reworking and there is an incredible team of humans to do it. But I hold my breath every time the phone lights up, looking for updates, for information, for hope and peace for my cousin and her husband as they trust doctors to set right the heart of this second daughter, the same way they did with their eldest girl – now 2.
It is quite a Wednesday. I want to be quiet. I want to sit with a blanket and tea in my chair looking out at the lake and not move. My first instinct in chaos is to be still. But that is not my reality today. I cannot hide. I cannot shut the world down. And really – I know deep down doing that for too long is never good for us. The best way over is through (thank you Johnnyswim).
So, as I scrolled through the photos on my phone for distraction, I noticed how often I am drawn to taken photos of broken things that still retain beauty. And isn’t that this day? And really, every day? Both of these realities, light and beauty // broken and dark, are there for our noticing every day.
I want to be aware of both. . I will embrace the broken and still fill up on the beauty. I will grieve the difficulties but settle into doing what I can do to ease the pain. I don’t want to be ignorant of darkness or hardened towards brokenness. I just want light to lead more. And I am up for fighting for light for as long as I very well can in my corner of this earth.
When I spoke about light, I spoke about how the very next thing God did after creating the heavens and the earth, was create light, call it good, and show us how to differentiate it from darkness. I have no doubt in God’s purpose here, knowing how much we would be in need of it. I think light was that important to God – physically and metaphorically.
I am tired today but I praying for light to come in. I have often found that when I offer up space for it, light finds its way in. And to follow up with Mr. Cohen, I often think some of the most beautiful images of light are created when it is seen shimmering through fragmented darkness.