It’s been a rough few months, plagued by loss.
Loss of life
Loss of friendship
Loss of things I thought I had already lost
Loss of things I never thought I would
Physical loss, Emotional loss, Spiritual loss.
The list seems to only get longer…
Tuesday morning I broke down to a dear friend who asked how things were going for me and I knew I couldn’t fake out an answer. I shared that I felt as if I was stuck in that place on Earth where various of currents of multiple oceans crash together.
But like clockwork, the breaking down seemed to help me start to let light in again. Truth is, I had been blocking it out…again..stubbornly refusing to ask for help, to pray, to let myself “feel” through it. I’d been too busy trying to hold it together for everyone else.
That same night I drug my tired body, in the miserable heat, into the city to go to yoga with a friend. And it happened again, more light. The best yoga I’ve ever taken. It took all of Wednesday for me to realize my calmer state of mind and body was the side effect of this class. I had let my body “feel through” things again too.
And today, already running late, dreading a work day I knew would result in not sitting down at my desk for more than a second, I decided to be ok with being a little bit later to get coffee. And when I pulled around to extend my few dollars out towards the cashier, I found out the woman in the blue minivan in front of me had already payed for my large hazelnut coffee with cream and sugar.
More light. Whether I wanted it or not.
I willingly admit I cried over a cup of coffee on my way to work this morning.
Never hesitate to do a little good. I was on the receiving end of it today, and felt so cared for that someone took an extra second to shed light on my day, exactly when I needed to be filled up.
How often do we hesitate to fill ourselves up or let ourselves be filled when we feel like we are being emptied out against our will? We have more power in difficulties than I think we let ourselves believe. Sometimes we need to choose to refill ourselves, and sometimes…we need to choose to let others in our lives who we know are waiting to fill us, do so too.